Natural 90% Olive Cleansing Oil by Elizavecca

Ingredients: Olive Oil, Jojoba Seed Oil, Avocado Oil, Argan Oil, Tea Tree Oil, Sunflower Seed Oil, PEG-20 Glyceryl Tristearate, Squalene, Olive Oil PEG-7 Esters, BHT.

I was freaking out so much yesterday, because my skin seems to be getting worse as I frantically tried toner and moisturizers that promised to hydrates my skin to the next century. I practically coated my face with extra layers of toners and moisturizers at night, but when I woke up this morning, my skin was still feeling dry, tight, and the flaking I saw yesterday was lessen (I used the cleansing oil twice last night, and I guess it helped a little, as the flaking was all over my face yesterday instead of just on my cheeks and under the jaw).

Urgh, my skin was so dry that it was peeling and wrinkling. It wasn't fun.

Though, as you can see, I'm a little bit happy with the Black Snail cream after all, because the redness is almost gone, and no more itchy skin :)

With this weird skin behavior, I decided to use the two step oil cleansing again instead of just the foam cleanser. I only needed one pump this time, and it covers all my face :) I was doing a little scrubbing motion with my fingers instead of an exfoliator, because I feel like my skin is too dry for that. After that, I added a little bit of water and continue to massage the oil into my skin.

Before using this oil, I wasn't sure how well it emulsify with the water, but as you can see, it mixes with the water and formed a milky, watery mixture, and it's easy to wash off with cool water (I uses cool water instead of warm, because it help not drying out my skin more than it already is).

I followed up with a foam cleanser, and felt so much better! This is definitely an extra step that I don't mind, because the oil feels so good on my super dehydrated skin. It has only a very faint smell of olive oil, and the ingredients is so very simple :) I'm in love with this, and it's only been the second day of using it. With the main ingredients being olive oil, it's a great oil cleanser, and I hope in time it will help my skin regain its water barrier and become hydrated again. I'm just going to stick to using it at night instead of using it every time I wash my face, because don't want to overload my skin with oil, despite wanting the feeling of soft, hydrated skin after using the oil. It might take a little bit of time till my skin return to normal, I'm just hoping it won't be long.

Here's a picture of my skin looking much better after the oil cleansing.

Less redness, more hydrated, and feeling oh so soft <3333333

This oil cleanser might become my holy grail product XD

This skin of mine

My face is driving me crazy. I just don't understand what's it doing. I've been trying to figure out what would work for it.

I tried the Black Snail cream yesterday, and it works ok-ish. It started to feel a little burn this morning when I put it on, though it didn't make my skin red. On the contrary, it helps lessen the redness of my skin, but it doesn't feel like hydrated enough.

The redness has went down even more after using the Black Snail

It feels like my skin is a desert, nothing would make it happy.

So I went back and read about the steps in Korean skin care, and there are extra steps that Korean women use:

Night: Oil cleanser, foam cleanser (apparently it's double wash to make sure everything is off your face), toner, serum/essence/ampoule, maybe a sheet mask if you want to, then moisturizer.
Day: foam cleanser (because you already got everything off at night), toner, serum/essence/ampoule, sheet mask (optional step), moisturizer, sunscreen.

Easy enough. I generally do face wash, then moisturizer, so adding more washes at night, serum, then moisturizer is a few extra steps, but it doesn't take more than a few seconds each; so I don't mind it.

I did what was listed, and it was weird, at first. I have the ampoule, but decided to skip it because it was irritating my face. That gives me foam face wash, toner, then moisturizer. And extra step, and I was hoping it would help my skin.

It didn't, not really. It wasn't hydrating enough, and the application of the Black Snail cream makes my face get a little hot. Nothing unbearable, and the heat went away after a minute with no sign of irritation, so I ignored it.

I had to go out, but I didn't want to put on a full face of makeup with how irritated my face is, so I opted to put only the face powder and upper eyeliner on. The only good thing was that my face wasn't peeling. However, my skin felt like it was halfway back to its parchment state. Almost. It felt like the dermis layer is hydrated enough, but the epidermis is just about to become peeling skin.

I'm getting pissed about how weird my skin is. I've have had dry skin, especially when I came back to Indiana, but it couldn't be explained. Sort of putting oil on my face, nothing feels hydrating (though, I did put oil on my face while trying to exfoliate the uppermost layer, but even that didn't help), and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I have ordered the toner, or skin, from Innisfree, and it's Olive Real Skin, supposedly help to moisten skin. I've used the toner this morning and just now, but I still feel my skin need more. I'm starting to get worried though, because I'm not sure how to get my skin to be happy. I don't want to keep ordering stuffs that supposedly works (especially it works for so many other people), only to have it not work on mine.

Why do you got to be so difficult, skin?

As for the oil cleansing, I got this Olive Cleansing Oil, hoping it would help. At this point, I'm feeling like I'm going to have to drown my face in everything under the sun to make it moist. Unfortunately, I can't do that, and I'm trying to not do too much.

The cleansing oil did feel so good when I was using it (two pumps covers all areas of my face, neck, and a little extra); it glided on my face so easily, and it took of makeup pretty good (I had on the long lasting I'm Eyeliner, and it was long lasting, even for me (I've destroyed many other types of waterproof eyeliners in under an hour before). I didn't even scrub at all with this oil cleanser. It took off every thing on my face with a few massaging strokes. I was impressed.

After the oil, came the foam cleanser, but my skin stay soft even after the shower, so my hope was shot sky high. I put on clarifying toner, and freaked out - my skin was peeling and looking like it finally gave up trying. I didn't took a picture of it because my focus was getting it back under control. I had to do another oil cleansing, massaging of about an inch of dry skin in total, and was hoping that the cleansing oil would help hydrating my face.

I put on the Innisfree's Olive toner, then put on a layer of the Black Snail cream, and it burns more than a little. I winced and keep on going, because I thought my skin is uber sensitive now after the AHA/BHA toner. I layered on a pea amount of vitamin E cream, hoping it will help like it did before. Then another layer of the Black Snail cream because my logic said the more the better, the more the hydrating.

My face was immediately felt like it's on fire, and I freaked out a little, thinking my skin snapped and will became irritated and rashy again. Nope, my skin looks normal. No bump, only the residue redness from the Tonymoly's snail cream remains, and no itchy spots.

What in the world, skin?

It is dehydrated when I don't layer. It is dehydrated when I layer. I can't win.

I'm getting irritated and down because I can't figure my face out T_____T

This milk is bananas

So I've been browsing YouTube videos, and I keep running into this commercial. It's SO CATCHY!!!! And I've been watching/listening to it for a while now. It's in my head, and I'm even listening to it as I'm writing this post. It got an upbeat to it that give a little fun in my day XD
Speaking of milk. I am beginning to swear off milk and any dairy product.

Why? Because it's scary, disgusting, and unhealthy. I know, right, it's completely opposite to what the milk industry told us. Who would have thought doctors have been telling you the wrong thing?
Growing up in Viet Nam, drinking milk every day isn't a thing. I don't exactly go without milk, as I eat yogurt and have condensed milk now and then, but milk in a gallon or dairy products aren't a daily staple, and I have never eaten cheese prior to moving to the States. Again, it's not that it's because we don't have them, we do, but dairy products are a luxury, not a necessity.

Normally, an average family will consume more vegetable, fish, and fruit more than meat. And don't forget rice. Why? Because in Viet Nam, vegetables and fruits (some of them) are generally so much cheaper than meat. How much cheaper? Think $1 for 1 kilogram of vegetable vs $10 for 1 kilogram of meat. Fishes are usually $2/3 a kilogram, and fruits are anywhere from $1-$5 a kilogram; and Viet Nam is a poor country, so yeah, you can see why meat is a luxury. It also make sense why we're so much more healthier than meat eaters :) We have so much variety of fruits and vegetable that it's easy to live on cheap vegetable and fruits and still gets all the necessary nutrition, and even sometimes more.

As for milk, like I said, Viet Nam is a poor country, we don't really have fridges to store food for another day or week, so we can't just have a gallon of milk laying around. When I was growing up, my Mom would occasionally splurge and bought my sister and I to a big, fancy market (big and fancy for poor Vietnamese, but those markets are generally just the normal Meijer and Walmart to Westerner), and bought us a pint of fresh milk. It usually cost her about $4 for that pint, so we only get to have it about one every week or so. What is more the norm is condensed milk, and the can of condensed milk cost about $2/3 for one, and we uses it to make Vietnamese Coffee, a most wonderful concoction :) And occasionally, when my sister and I got sick, Mom would make hot condense milk drink for us (2 tbsp condensed milk with 8 ounces of boiling water). And another rare treat would be yogurt. But it's not the rich, creamy yogurt you westerners are used to, Vietnamese yogurt (or Da Ua) is very thin in texture, and it's mostly sweet with the crunchiness of ice (as it's mostly water, think watered down ice cream), and our ice cream is similar to our yogurt, sugar and water with food coloring and then freeze, so yeah, the rich and creamy texture of western yogurt and ice cream is not something an average Vietnamese person would ever get exposed to.

Asians rarely consumed dairy products is because we have no need of it. As babies, we would drink our mother's milk and gets weaned around 1 or 2 years old, then from that point on we don't really need milk, as Vetnamese diet are rich in fresh fruits, vegetables, fishes and lots of herbs and spices (again, because they're extremely cheap and much more available than meat). With its tropical climate, fruits and vegetables are so easy to grow, hence it's much more affordable to a normal Vietnamese family, though it had changed in recent years, as I went back for a visit sometimes around 2008, and the price of a kilogram of vegetable is around $22 in Vietnamese currency, due to the tourists that had now become the source of income for Vietnamese people).

Food in Vietnamese culture have been influenced over hundreds of years, but it enriched our food cultivation instead of drowning out our history, and we're very creative when it comes to cooking food and making do with what we have. There's so many ways of making a meal, and I remember having so much variety of food types when I was growing up (my Mom is such an accomplished cook), though like I said, our diet are mostly vegetable and fruits and many type of fishes. Soups are somewhat a stable in my family's meals (it's so easy to cook: prepare the veggies, boil water, throw them in with seasoning and you're done, plus it helps picky eater like me washes down dry dishes), and in fact, I preferred soups with my meals, because it enhanced the flavor of rice, and helps me eat faster (soupy rice goes down the throat easier without much chewing XD I know it's bad for your tummy, but I was a kid, ok? Not to mention, my stomach is strong because of it).

I remember growing up, having 1 meat dish a day is already a lot, and with how expensive it was back then, my Mom had to work a lot to make enough money to feed my sister and I; and the both of us have bottomless stomach. I would ate the normal 3 meals, then have snacks constantly between the meals, and was still hungry. Despite how much my sister and I ate, we were scrawny little things, with bones and skin. You'd think our mother doesn't feed us, but we ate almost all hours of the day. Mom used to joke the only time our mouths wasn't busy chewing is when we sleep.

So yeah, with how expensive dairy product is, it's rare for us to have it. But we don't need it, because as you know, Asian people live a long life, with strong constitution, and being sick is rare for us (beside the common cold), with beautiful skin and hair, and we look younger than our age. All that without milk. So maybe you should be rethinking about chugging down that glass of milk, eh, eh ;) ;)
Dairy in Asian isn't a normal occurrence, not to mention sometimes it's view as a weakness (there's an insult to grown people about their breath still smelling of mother's milk = weakling, wet behind the ears. Yeah, we Asian are long winded with our hinted insults xD We tend to not tell you straight out that you sucks :P)

Historical timeline of milk doesn't say much about dairy in Asian culture (except India), because to us Asian, cows are farming animals, and if it give birth to baby cows, it means the income/labor force is increased once the baby cow grow up = we don't mess with the baby cow's milk source. And we generally don't drink cow's milk is, well, because exactly that, it's cow's milk xD.

Most Vietnamese people drink water, or rice drinks (this is also how mothers who doesn't produce enough milk feed their babies in my country, by cooking rice with extra water, and feed the baby with this mixture, it's very nutritious and will be covered in another post), and thanks to tea culture introduced to us by China, we either have iced or hot tea in addition to water :)

I remember when I was growing up, I was a very healthy child, albeit very scrawny. I rarely got sick, and I ate a very healthy diet. I misses the meals from back then, the variety of fruit and vegetables, and the thousands of different dishes that came from that. I misses the food the most living in America, because despite the oriental markets that is all around, there isn't as many ingredients as I used to have (well, duh!), and they're quite expensive ($3 for a measly 2 ounces of Vietnamese herbs). Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my life here, it's the food that I misses the most XD Well, I do have a bottomless stomach after all :P

But yeah, Asian cultures have been doing fine without milk, until the introduction of westerners, and even so we don't actually have much to do with milk, and we're still fine. What I want to do most is to be informed about the products that I put in and on my body, and I'm glad that with today's technology and widespread of information, I can do that easier than the previous generation. I hope you'll be able to do the same, because knowledge is power, and you have the ability to get that kind of power easily :) Eat healthy, my friends, because you deserved to be taken care of, by you!

Borderline Personality Disorder

Getting diagnosed with BPD was both a relief and a source of worry. I saw myself fluctuation with great frequency between opposite spectrum of emotions, and it's a relief to know that it wasn't of my imagination. That I wasn't defected in the way that I thought I was.

Everybody have their own insecurities, and feelings different emotions at once, but BPD suffers worse than that. It's a mental disorder, and I'm still conflict with myself knowing that I have a faulty brain, but it helps in knowing to keep watch on myself and understand the reason why I felt and behave the way I do.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, BPD accurate name for the illness, and actually is misleading, BPD doesn't have an actual name for it yet, as it is still relatively not widely known, despite numbering 1 in 150 people estimated to have BPD. I've been reading a lot of articles about BPD, and it seems that the world either thinks BPD sufferers are either poor victims who needs lots of understanding and care, or BPD was born evil.

A lot of people thinks BPD are crazy, and does not want to tolerate BPD's misbehaviors, and That person with BPD intentionally manipulate you because they're insecure, and they often have bad relationships, and they have a progression of how the relationship evolves.

Loving someone with BPD is a roller coaster ride, and not many people have the strength or will to be able to do it. Knowing this, I understand why - when I look back - I pushes people away. I was scared of them getting to know me, and I felt that they cannot handle me.

To explain it in further details, BPD is emotional PTSD, to which a person have trouble with controlling their emotions and feelings and it affects how they think and act.

This list is copied from Dual Diagnosis, and I put in my answers to these things:
The DMS-IV outlines nine symptoms that identify borderline personality disorder. In order to be diagnosed by a mental health care profession, one needs to be at least 18 years of age and exhibit five or more of the following symptoms:

• Extreme reactions to real or perceived abandonment. The feeling of being abandoned is perhaps one of the most indicative markers of borderline personality disorder. Whether real or imagined, a person suffering from BPD may show intense, often inappropriate, reactions when he/she feels abandoned. (This is true, for when I perceived that someone I love wanted to leave me, I would have anxiety attacks, beg and cry, anything to keep them with me.)

• Torrid relationships. A person with borderline personality disorder often has intense emotions about friends and others close to him/her, in particular lovers or caretakers, which may correlate to fear of abandonment. Feelings may constitute extreme love (idealization) or hate (devaluation) and are subject to change without notice or predicating event. People with BPD may also seem overly reliant or dependent upon friends, lovers, or family members. (Hard relationships, yes, when I either relied upon them completely, or tried to do everything on my own.)

• Distorted self-image. Often feeling like he/she is “bad” or “evil,” a person with BPD may show signs of low self-worth or value. This disturbance in perceived identity is frequently negative or pessimistic and can shift suddenly. For example, someone with BPD may have extreme feelings about how they are unloved or worthless triggered by an event in which a friend is five minutes late for a lunch date. (This applied. I've always have a thought/feeling that I'm a terrible existence, that I'm a poisonous person, completely evil through and through, the worst human have to offer.)

• Impulsive or dangerous behavior. Impulsive or risky behavior often includes sex, substance abuse, binges, or charging a lot of money on credit cards. These behaviors are often considered to be dangerously impulsive and can put oneself or others at risk. (Impulsive, yes, as I completely get absorbed into doing something, like chasing down a 'perfect' wine when I saw an ad; but never have I been promiscuous nor abused substances like the thing suggested.)

• Recurring suicidal thoughts. The National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that living with BPD can manifest into destructive behavior, such as self-harm (cutting) or suicide attempt. (All my life, I've felt like the world would be a better place without me. I felt happy imagining how beautiful the world would be, and how free I am if I don't exist. I have only three times thought of killing myself, but the thought of I shouldn't exists was always in the back of my mind.)

• Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom. Those suffering from BPD may often feel disillusioned or unfulfilled with their places in life. (The emptiness scares me. This black hole I felt in me that I didn't understand and didn't know how to deal with. This black void that threatened to swallow me whole and reduced me to an empty body. It has been with me for so long.)

• Inappropriate anger. Referring to the earlier example about a lunch date, a person with BPD may yell at a friend for being late. It’s possible that, going to back to unstable relationships, he/she may immediately switch feelings about that person and illustrate devaluation as a result. (I experience this often with my parents, whom I would suddenly have an intense rage whenever I hear their voice or see them, and I felt like I would explode whenever that anger comes on. It's understandable, since they were the ones that the beatings came from when I was growing up.)

• Intense and highly unstable moods. Those with BPD often display unpredictable and erratic behavior as the result of varying moods. (Yep. I swing from extremely happy and sociable one moment and then 'leave the the hick alone' the next.)

• Stress-related paranoia or dissociative symptoms. This symptom is marked by a loss of reality or perception. (I daydream a lot, and often time feels like I'm barely there in body.)

I now operate on three mode: feelings everything under the sun, feeling nothing at all (the empty vessels that barely function), and (what I'm trying to cultivate) is feeling overwhelmed with so much feelings, but a little detached while trying to understand and processing those emotions and thoughts.
BPD attitudes can range from everything is their fault to everything is your fault. It is not intentionally, or a mean to manipulate you, it's just our way to trying to live up to a 'normal' standards, and feeling like we have to have an answer for everything, even if that answer was wrong, but it's the best one we can find at the moment.

Personally, my life is a rainbow, without the appreciation for the beautiful colors that no one have a name or description of. I confuses myself on a daily basics, and my goal is 'conquer the world' in one moment that changes into 'I want to go to the moon NOW'. It's exhausting trying to keep up being me.

Relationship with BPD are complicated, and unpredictable. It's how people are attracted to us, because we're exciting, but it is a wear and tear ride that not many can continues. We're extremely smart, and we have a way with people, but often it's how we want to be alone: because people see the happy mask, and they didn't see the person underneath crying their heart out. It's exhausting to have the mask in place, and we usually want to be in our shell, being protected from others and protecting others from ourselves.

We are crazy, but we do love deeply, and the reason we're so caring is because we do not want others to feel the same pain we do.

I've always felt this way, but my diagnosis was only recently. I have a long way to go to overcome this, but it felt tremendously good that I am aware of this, that I am aware of myself. And it's been so helpful in knowing that this can go away with work. I'm determined to be the best that I am, and I know that I am worth it.

An open letter to Non-BPDs

What are we doing?

I am in rage. Rage and pain. Pain because the world is suffering, and almost everything wrong is going on all around the world. Rage because it defies common logic, and rage because I want it to change but it would take more than just me.

How easy it would be if it was just me, that I wonder why people do not realize that we are all connected. That what we do to one another, we do to ourselves. I rage in pain because we are hurting ourselves.

And we pride ourselves on being an intelligent specie.

We are not. We are barely at a point of walking on two legs. We are still animals.

In nature, the strongest survive. We are still doing that, we are still following nature's laws. The only times when we show ourselves to be the higher specie, the 'evolved' one are the times when we acted with love for others.

The only time we becoming a higher being is the time we acted at our best, not our base.
The only time when we are deserving of the 'intelligent' title is when we take a look at ourselves and realize that we are not intelligent. Not yet.

When we fooled ourselves into thinking something is not what it is. When we belittle others' suffering and hurting others while thinking that we're being strong. We are not being intelligent, nor are we being strong.

We don't even address each other correctly, and yet we pride ourselves in have an advance communication method.

We have not even realized that one action will lead to another. That there is no such thing as race, and that gender is not all there is to us. We are more, but we didn't see that. We are creating a vicious cycle. And we didn't realize it would come back to us.

Strong topics make us uncomfortable, so we dumb it down.

We treat each other like we are not worth it.

This brought be the worst pain, as a person: we put the responsibility of fixing our mistakes to our children. We told them they are our future, but what are we doing for them? We abuse them, we neglect them. Hell, we even married our young, and favor one child over another. We even encourage them to hate. We deny them education, we teach them to kill, we uses them as a weapon, we oppressed them and uses them as a source of income. And we want them to grow up right? What kind of future are we giving them?

And worst of all, they didn't choose any of this. WE DID!

We have not realize what we do to one another affects us, too.

We have not realize that we are one.

I am in rage because we have so much potential, but we are not living up to our amazing beings.
I am in pain because we are not being our amazing selves, but we have so much potential.
It is time that we face the truth: we are not an advance specie. We are still in our childhood. We still need to learn more, and educate ourselves. Only when we realize that, and understand that, can we learn and be better. Only when we face the truth that we still don't know, can we actually start learning.

And we need to learn, because we're killing ourselves.

Family? What family?

Everybody have a dysfunctional family and that's where we sees ourselves, really sees ourselves and learning who we are. If you're lucky, you get family that you can talk about, be proud of. If you're not, you'll want to get away from your family. I'm the latter. I'm not just getting away from my "family", I'm cutting ties with them completely. And thanks to my mom's divorcing my dad, soon, I'll be completely off from them, never to be seen or heard from again.

Having being born and grew up in Viet Nam, I'm not really familiar with my dad's side of the family, except that I know I have about 9 aunts and uncles, give or take. Most of my dad's side moved across the sea and relocated in the U.S. before I was born, so I don't meet them much, except for my paternal granparents' yearly visit to Viet Nam, and even then, I only get to meet some of them, whomever was doing the escorting job, but mostly my 10th aunt, Aunt Linda.

As a child, the oversea aunts and uncles left me in awe, as they would come visit and bring gifts every year, though most of it went to my mom so she could take care of our family. It was not much of noticed to the little me, since I was basically always made to go whether I want to or not, and the little tomboy me would greet the oversea relatives, then promptly scampered off to climb trees, pick fruits and vegetables, or fishing and catching field crabs. Or harassed my poor cousin's chickens.

Roughly when I was 11, I was told that my oversea family is sponsoring us so we could move to America, too. It was exciting, though the exchanges between my relatives remained the same. The only difference is that they told our family to learn nails before we came over, because doing nails is big business in America, and you can earn a lot of money. I could care less, because I was only 11 at the time, and 5 years sound like a long time to wait.

A few months before we were to fly over, my Mom and sister went to nail classes to learn at least the basics. I was exempt because I was too young to work. But it was clear that when I'm older, the same thing would be expected of me. I didn't think about it much, because I was still a tomboy at 14, and only care about having fun. Also, being raised in a strict, traditional Vietnamese culture household, the thought of speaking against the elders has never occurred to me, and basically, I would have to do what the elders wanted me to do. If that means they decides my future for me, it was their right to do so.

The first time I thought of something different for myself was when I was 16, not getting anywhere with high school. My life then was decided for me by someone else. Someone that doesn't care if I will be happy with my future or not, someone that was trying to dash all my hopes and dreams for my own future aside and told me that I will always be a nail technician. That someone was my aunts and uncles, with kids of their own to care about so they didn't have any energy to care for those not of their own. My parents was helpless, as they didn't know any English, and was under the control of the "family" that brought us over to the United States. They were busy trying to make a living, busy trying to pacified relatives that only care about money. My parents could only give me physical support, a roof over my head and food to eat (to which I was grateful), and nothing else. They go to work in the morning, and come home at night, tired. It's not that it doesn't matter to them about what I thought, what I want, it just...they didn't have time. At 16, I have no idea of who I am (or even thought of thinking about who/what I am for that matter), I wanted to be a photographer, an actress, or just travel the world. Those dreams was deemed unpractical, and unnecessary, especially with my aunts and uncles' plan of teaching/getting me qualified as a nail tech and work for them. That was their plan, and mine doesn't matter. It was decided, and I felt trapped then. I wanted to do everything but nails, yet I didn't know what to do to change the fate that was decided for me. My own sister had already fell into that trap, and she could never get out of it. I used to worship my sister, and thought that if a strong, smart, and wonderful person like my sister couldn't get out of it, I certainly will be living a life just like her. I felt trapped and helpless, but there was no room for hate. I was too young to have my own thinking just yet, and beside, I settled into the stability of walking the path of my family, after all, being a nail tech earns a lot of money. I didn't think more on the matter.

At 17, I went into cosmetology, figuring that I might want to do something else other than nails. With the economy then, nails was a treat, and there was a cut in the amount of customers comparing to the previous years. I figured that maybe not everyone want to have their nails done, but almost everyone will need to have their hair taken care off; and by the time that I finish beauty school, the customers will surely increased. It was my first step in fighting back.

I earned a cosmetology licensed, and it was valued above the nail technician licensed, as I can do more than nail tech does, I can do waxing and massaging. My mom was planning to open a spa shop with her and my sister do nails, while I do hair. The plan was talked over and decided without my input, because really, with my mother and sister always doing the deciding, I only had to follow what they tell me to.

I think that's where my rebellious phrase is really coming into effect, and I felt that it was not fair that I am not in control of my life, though there's nothing I could do. Or so I thought.

After graduating high school, I went to work with my sister at her new shop, and I hated every minute of it. I hate touching people's dirty feet, I hated the smell of the chemicals that was used in the nails shop, I hated being told what to do every day of my life, I hated the hours (workign from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. is rough, especially when I started to developed breathing problems, and would be up all night most day because my nosed was not working much at all). We didn't have health insurance, and while I was hating it so much, I have to continue working and earn money enough to buy allergic medication (it was around $200 monthly in prescription drugs a month, as Allegra and Nasalcort wasn't over the counter yet).

After a few months of hating everyday that I have to work, and was ashamed of being a nail tech, I finally called it quit and told my parents I will go to college, just so I don't have to do nails any more. Just like all Asian parents, mine wanted me to be a doctor. I wanted to be a game designer/programmer, and I told them computer science does earn money, too. They let me took a year of it, before I told them I was bored and wanted to become a photographer. They put all four feet down and told me I need to learn something that would let me get a real job, or else. I did gave into their pressure and went to medical courses, only to find out I have no inclination towards that at all. I told them I just can't learn, and my mom pushes me to take pharmacy tech courses. Predictably, that also went over my head, and the name and long ass chemical makeups of medicines just fly over my head. That took a year and a half of my life from me. I was dejected.

I was 23, almost 24, with no degree, no job that I'm interested in, and trying hard to get control of my life away from my parents and my sister, and the sneering, bad treatments of my brother in law. I felt like I have nowhere else to go, no one I could rely on, and no one that I could talk to and vent my troubles away. And before I knew it, I had grown to be a loner, too used to being a lone while others go to work, too scared to let others know what I thought, too scared to find myself, and feeling like I'm going to be trapped like this for the rest of my life. I wanted to break away, but I have no means to do so.

To make matter worse, my sister and her husband cut ties with my parents and the 'family', leaving me to brace the anger and hurt of my parents, with the responsibilities of taking care of them. I took that on, hating every moments that my parents rehashed things that were said and done, my anger builds and builds with all the times that they compared my sister and I, and be even stricter with me "just in case" I turned out like my sister. I ground my teeth and bears it when they told me that no man from the provincial that my brother in law came from is good, and put up with their generalization of how men is terrible (Excuse me, dad, you're a man, too, and not a good father nor a good man, so why are you talking about how others are?). I have all this anger and pain building up at a fast rate in me, with no way of venting them. I turned to video games, and become obsessed with it. I would play games any time I can, all the time if I could. I forsake sleep, exercise, human interaction so I could immense myself in leveling, having friends online, and killing monsters to get epic loot. Gaming was my life, my real life, where I can be free, where I don't have to do anything I don't want to, where I could interact with others and have fun, and for the first time in my life, to have my own opinion valued. In short, gaming was where and when I was a person. I was my own person in a virtual world.

Meanwhile, my parents and I moved from state to state, where we have family members (that was on my dad's side), and where my mom's friend moved to, trying to settle and find a home again. That didn't work out, and we have to move back to Indiana. Then my mom had three open heart surgery, and once again I have to be constantly at her side, essentially living int he hospital with her for 28 days, constantly hearing about my sister. When she was released, my dad quit his part time job so someone could watch over my mother (just an excuse for my dad to not work). My hate for the family, my parents, and my situation only grew, because then it was even worse for me, for everywhere my mother goes, I have to go with her, essentially becoming a hostage for whatever she needs, and listening to her complaining nonstop about how she's not going to make it (she have a heart valve replaced, with a pace maker put in, and according to the doctor, she's better than new, but she would acts like she's so weak she can't even talk one minute, and the next minute chatting on the phone for hours about how heartless my sister is to abandon her at such a critical time, and how it pains her to be alone, with no thought of how I feel, no mention of how I was almost always have to stay by her). All doctors that have my mother as a patient (heart doctor, blood doctor, family doctor, and Coagulant clinic that monitor her weekly) was all saying that she's at the peak of her life, that she's doing much better than she ever was, but to my mother, she's this frail lady with a bad heart, who wouldn't probably make it to the next year.

I was fed up. I wanted an escape. I wanted to be free. I have had enough.

Without telling my parents first (because I know they'll stop me), I signed up for the Navy. Anything to leave, anything to get away. A month after signing the documents, I told them. I felt safe then, for the first time, as there's nothing they could do about it. They can't mess with the government :) I was actually happy, and counting down the months left to boot camp.

In public, and to others, they would act so proud and bragging that I'm a good child for wanting to serve the country we moved to, but in private, they would chide me about my choices, and complain that I was abandoning them, just like my sister did.

I couldn't wait to leave.

Boot camp was bad, as I have never heard so much cursing in my life as an hour in boot camp, and I've never saw so much naked bodies in a bathroom before, but I was doing well. It wasn't easy, as a day in boot camp feel like years, but I eventually learn to ignore everything else and focus on the graduation day. Looking back now, those 2 months was actually not bad, as I was exposed to different people from different age groups and backgrounds, and I learned a lot from them, from loving the diversity to how I was not the only one suffering (which did me good, and help me learn to open my heart). It wasn't bad, and by the time I reported to my first duty station after boot camp, I was a bubbly, smiling five feet three inches of shining sunlight. So much that my chief keep teasing me about my happy personality, and jokingly teasing me to stop being so cheerful in the early morning at least XD

My first duty station was great. I drew the golden straw in "A" school and got assigned to a shore duty on the east coast. It was not just a piece of cake, but the whole cake was handed to me with that assignment. East coast was about chilling and enjoying life, much more so as a shore duty, and thick icing on the cake was a special op duty station. I was given a golden egg laying goose, and nothing else would ever be the same. I was spoiled rotten, as far as the military was concern.

I was not the youngest personnel, but I was the lowest grade personnel the command ever have. Reporting in as an E2 in a command where Senior Chiefs, Master Chiefs came to retired as well as O4 being promoted to O5 was somewhat of a first experience that everyone would dream to have. Being spec ops, they know how valuable life is, and they have an appreciation of personnel that normal commands doesn't have, and I was being treated as an equal instead of an underling (with the exception of my 2 YN1s that was jackass through and through, but even then, my mentor YN2 was there to shield me from most of the explosions and barbed wires that those two dishes out, one after another, and to which I'm ever grateful for). I learned to be a human at that command, I learned that not all people are bad, that there are beautiful things in life. I learned how to find myself, how to think for myself at that command.

I was 25, and for the first time in my life, I learned that I was, am, and always will be a person. I learned that I can make my own choices, I learn lessons that my parents didn't teach me, I learned lessons that my so called 'family' didn't teach me.

It was where I learned that I could do anything I want to do, that there is hope in life. I learned to opened my eyes, my mind, and myself. I learned how to stand up after a fall, to sooth my own tears. I learned to reach out to who I can rely on, despite my fears.

I learned what I was not allowed to before: how to be free.

I was only at my command for two and a half year, but I gained so much from them. I have so much fun, I laugh almost every day, I have new experience every day. I learned so much it feels like that was my family, where I began.

I will always be grateful to my first command, to my mentors; they have done more than anyone have ever done for me; they have given me the knowledge of myself, and the perseverance of learning to be more. I'm always going to think of them fondly, with a smile from my heart, and that's the only family I considered mine.

Starting Out

So, I am sitting here, staring at the screen with ideas and wants and needs and questions and the world running inside my mind with so high a speed they're not even words, they're merely pictures and feelings and unnameable things that I could barely glimpse at without being able to understand it fully or explain it. But they brought so much excitement, so much hope and love and sense of wonder. It is why I created this blog, and maybe it's just me and my hopeless daydreaming, stupidity, and naivety, but I'm thinking this might work. This might actually bring my purpose to fruition. That maybe I'll look back at this post and realize this was the moment. This was the beginning I have been searching for. That this is my calling, and I'm finally answering it. Maybe.

I'm talking about crazy ideas that make sense for me, but might not to others, and maybe some day they'll get me committed to an asylum, but this. This make me feels so much alive and energized!
I am sitting right now, in front of my computer in a small (and a bit cold) bedroom in my parents' house, behaving like a teenager, uncertain of my past as well as my future. Chances are, I'll even forgot what this moment would feel like about 30 minutes from now, or even sooner; but right now, I am alive. Alive and doing well.

I admit, I (think) I'm broken. Like a shard of glass from a water bottle that my careless self dropped while trying to fill a bottle up with water. And I'm laying there on the floor in my kitchen, small and sharp, unable to be wet yet soaked in the water puddle. Small and sharp and not much of use but ready to do some damage. It feels like that sometimes - not as a piece of glass, but that I have all these energies, but I can't use them effectively therefore rendering me broken.

I have hopes though. Hopes and dreams so big I feel trapped in my own skin. Ideas and thoughts and feelings that kept me well up through the night, so that I only lay my head down to sleep when the dawn's light seeping through the gaps in my window's blinds.

I am sitting in my room, in a house that doesn't belong to me, with no jobs, no income except for unemployment, at 27, with my first marriage of 4 short months coming to a near end, and wondering what am I doing with my life. I'm a woman, 27 years old, with no career, no real life to speak of, and wondering how I'm going to make it through life.

27 years old, had been so in denial about how uncertain I've felt about everything, and still blind about how the world works, yet so impressionable and so easily excitable. I have no skill that I mastered, no degree, no life, with a family that cares so much for me - but where I don't feel belonged, and wondering how can I take care of myself?

Get a job? I guess that's the first start, but what kind of job do I do? How can I do something that I love? How can I lead myself into a life of fulfillment? What can I do to love my life? Love myself?
Thoughts, feelings, so much in my mind that I can't narrow down. Uncertainty everywhere. What do I do? I feel confused, but I don't feel like I want to give up just yet. I have hope, but I'm scare, too, and the two keeps running in circles, confusing me even more.

What I want to do is to follow my heart, engage in my curiousity, and find something to do that I will love, and grow as a person. But how? How do I do that and still brings food on the table? How do I do that and still pay the bill? Do I need to live on the street? How can I live on the street? I pride myself on my resourcefulness, but right now, I am lost as to what I should do. What is the correct step to put my foot forward?

I am scared, worried, and yet I'm excited at the same time. I feel so much energy coming from within, the urge to do something, to follow my dreams. I feel hope, and all these ideas in my head are calling me, each better than the last.

I dream of a united world. A world where people put the needs of humankind first, not their own greed. A world where everyone is connected to each other - because we are. I dream of a world where ideas never stop spewing forth, and innovations are daily occurrence. I dream of a world where people care for one another, and realize that we are all we've got. A world where religions, hate, greed are the rare and not the norm, where people take care of one another. Do unto others, any one?
I dream of a world where we all matter, each and every one of us. And I feel like it is possible.
The world is hurting right now. What are we doing about it?

I dream of a world where love flow freely. Because that's what we are, creatures of love, deserving love and able to give.

I dream of our beautiful world to be more beautiful, and right now, my worse fear is that somewhere along the path I walk, I will forgot about that fact.

Mizon Black Snail All in One Repair Cream (not recommended for sensitive skin)

Ingredients: Snail Secretion Filtrate, Helianthus Annuus (sunflower) Seed Oil, Niacinamide, Cetearyl Olivate, Sorbitan Olivate, Butylene Glycol, Synthetic Wax, Hydroxyethyl Acylate/sodium Acryloyldimethyl Taurate Copolymer, Triethanolamine, Coptis Japonica Root Extract, Carbomer, Caprylyl Glyocol, Sodium Polyacrylate, Ethylhexylglycerin, Tropolone, Adenosine, Theobroma Cacao (cocoa) Extract, Allantoin, Pathenol, Allium Sativum (garlic) Bulb Extract, Euterpe Oleracea Fruit Extract, Morus Alba Fruitextract, Rubus Coreanus Fruit Extract, Sambucus Nigra Fruit Extract, Black Sugar Extract, Theobroma Cacao (cocoa) Extract, Charcoal Powder, Solanum Melongena (eggplant) Fruit Extract, Sepia, Porphyra Tenera Extract, Polygonum Fagopyrum Seed Extract, Vitis Vinfera(grape) Fruit Extract, Coffea Arabuca Fruit Extract Inonotus Obliquus (mushroom) Extract, Mirabilis Jalapa Seed Extract, Piper Nigrum (pepper) Seed Extract, Fagus Sylvatica Seed Extract, Anona Cherimolia Fruit Extract, Dictyopteris Membranacea Extract, Rose Extract, Cinnamomum Cassie Bark Extract, Aronia Melanocarpa Fruit Extract, Rhus Semialata Gall Extract, Prunus Mume Fruit Extract, Centella Asiatica Extract, Copper Tripeptide-1, Hydrolyzed Pea Protein, Lecithin, Olea Europaea(olive) Fruit Oil, Phytosterols, Squalane, Butyrospermun Parkii (shea Butter), Ceramide 3, Rh-oligopeptide-1, Palmitoyl Pentapeptide-4, Beta-glucan, Disodium Edta, Phenoxyethanol.

After establishing that my face doesn't like Tonymoly Snail Gel, I was apprehensive that my face doesn't like snail products, so when the Mizon Black Snail cream arrived, I was bracing myself for my face on fire. I washed my face, put on the Honeybunny Ampoule (still using it because my skin is way too dry to not use it, despite my desire to return this).

I was pleasantly surprised when my face isn't immediately set aflame; on the contrary, it rather feel cool and soothing with this cream.

It has a goopy texture, and feels a little slimey when I first put it on, though it did sink into my skin rather quick, and doesn't irritate my skin. Not to mention, it feels more hydrated than the Trader Joe Facial Moisturizer I was using, and less oily than the Jason Vitamin E cream. A few hours after applying the cream, my face is still feeling dried and tight, but not as uncomfortable as the Trader Joe's, and my cheeks and the underside of my chin doesn't feel like parchment paper anymore, and the redness is quite minimized.

 The first few minutes of putting the cream on, my face is so soft and plumped, despite the slight dryness on the surface of my skin, and I was hoping the hydrating effects would last for a while - but it wasn't the cream's fault, since my skin took some damage two days before and is trying to heal itself by scabbing over xD

So I'm extremely relieved that I'm not allergic to snail, only whatever else Benton and Tonymoly put in their products. Then again, this is black snail, a little different than the normal snail (though I'm not quite sure what the difference is XD) Here's a picture of black snail.

Nice fella, isn't he? Though, Mizon ingredients said the source of mucin is from African Black Snail, which is quite a bigger variety than the fella above.

Guess the bigger they are, the more mucin they can produce? And luckily, the mucin was harvest in a humane way, though that's the only thing I found that say that, so more research is needed. Interestingly, reviews of Corsx said that Corsx's way of harvesting is the most simple and humane: just left the little fella naps and collect the mucin when it's the right time. Cue the cute imagine of happy, sleepy snail faces xD

Happy little snail

Welp, I'm getting a little bit off track, haha, but snails are interesting topic XD I wouldn't mind spending hours watching them moving around and doing snails stuffs. It is soothing and calming, and somewhat a reminder that people should slow down now and then :)

Back to skin care products, I have a mind to try original Mizon Snail Cream, but the ingredients list contain dimethicone, so I picked the Black Snail version instead.

I was pretty impressed with the packaging, as the jar is quite heavy, and feels like they're made out of metal (metal black jar with snail, yeah XD Badass black metal snail whootz). My clumsy self dropped the jar on the floor; it didn't break, but gave a heavy clonk sound like it's going to break the floor instead XD Upon closer inspection, the lid is made of dense plastic, and the jar itself feels like glass, though the whole thing feels like it could have been made out of metal O_O And especially with the black matted paint, it does give the feel of sturdy container. I'm happy with the product overall, and probably will be ordering it again.

I was running a little research for the ingredients, and came upon the disparaging price gap that make me shake my head. On PeachAndLily, the price of the jar is $54, while the same thing on Amazon is only $13.59. Whatdaheck Peach and Lily? Overpriced much? I wonder how people can actually shop on such an overpriced site while there's Amazon, MemeBox, and SokoGlam exists? Similarly, Mizon original Snail cream is $38 on PeachAndLily while it's only $13.89 on Amazon. What? I'm not sure what's Peach and Lily is even doing.

Then again, I'm biased with Amazon xD Had been their devoted shopper for years, and love their great shipping; and with the online market expanding, there's more items available, making things more budget friendly :) I'm happy with that ~

Why pay more than you have to?

Here's a picture of how awesome snails are :D

Tony Moly Pure Snail Moisture Gel

An update for my irritated face. As the night goes on, my face is getting so itchy I want to scrub the heck out of it, but I refrained lest I do more damage than I already did.

 
I'm beginning to suspect it might have been the snail gel, because I didn't have this bad of an effect when I was using the mask, not to mention, it had gotten worse ever since I put the snail gel on my face. Maybe my face is allergic to snail secretion they're using, as this isn't the first time it reacted to snail product. I'm apprehensive about the Mizon snail cream now, if I'm actually allergic to snail, it'll be a repeat of tonight when I use it.

Urgh, my skin is so sensitive it's not funny.

Red bumps on my forehead and swollen spots from scratching and irritations. Not fun at all.

And I'm not sure if it's just me or it's the Tonymoly snail gel, but there seems to be a layer of product sitting on my face, and when I scratch an itchy spot on my face (I know I'm not supposed to scratch my face, but it's so itchy!!!!), a soft, squishy layer came off like a peeling mask. I'm pretty sure it's not my skin, so the only thing would have been the product actually creating a thin layer on top of my face. Perhaps it's what also aggravating my skin, because I went and wash my face again with a pore brush, and it feels a little better, plus the itching has lessen significantly.

This make me wonder what exactly it is that they put into the snail gel, as the gel wasn't the first Tonymoly product to leave a thin layer on my face. The previous Tonymoly product I used was Pore Soap, and it left a white-ish layer on my face that I scraped off in the shower (imaging doing a face massage in the shower and actually rubbing layers off your face, that's what happened to me). It wasn't a thick layer at all, but it weird me out; and after this snail gel, I'm not sure I actually like Tonymoly products.

Well, there is the Egg Steam Balm that I used before, and I haven't formed an opinion on it yet, as I do like how it feel applying and taking off, but I haven't seen noticeable results - though I've only used it twice in the past four weeks, so I'm not sure if it is any effective. I do remember that the egg steam balm and the cooling pack was hard to get off because I have big pores, and I can actually see the residue in the pores that they was supposed to reduced xD Urgh. I want to like Tonymoly, I really do, but I'm not having a good impression of the products I'm using at all.

I think I'm just going to keep Tonymoly off my face just to be on the safe side.

And the search for Korean products that actually do what it said continues D:

Urgh, can't live with this, can't live without this

I was pretty much falling back on my stable products after the Benton Aloe products, and I had return to my previous love item, Trader Joe's Antioxidant Moisturizer, which was much cheaper in the store itself ($5.99 instead of the 11 something on Amazon),it did my skin great while I was living in California, and I had been using it for almost three years. It wasn't enough to quench my skin after my move back in Indiana, and I had stopped using it after the vitamin E cream. I tried using it again during my time with the honey ampoules, but it still wasn't enough. I heard about the snail products, and thought, why not.

The few snail products I have my eyes on are MIZON snail repair, MIZON Black Snail cream, and Tonymoly Snail Gel, which I was hoping to help with my sensitive, dry/oily skin. I did tried the Benton Steam Cream first (which was the product that gets me interested into snail products), but unfortunately, there's just something about Benton products that gets my skin really irritated, so I wasn't able to enjoy the products as much. A damn shame, because Benton line has such great reviews.

Why does my skin is so weird? Why can't it just behave normally? Why can't it appreciate the efforts I'm putting in?

T_____T

Anyhow, back to snail items.

Ingredients: Snail, Alcohol, Glycerin, Tangerine Extract, Tangerine Peel Extract, Orange Peel Extract, Sodium Carbomer, PEG-60 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Carbomer, Thomethamine, Sodium Polyacrylate, Citric acid, Water, Acrylate Polymer, Coco-Glucoside, Benzoic Acid, Disodium EDTA, Phenoxyethanol, Chlorphenesin, Capryl Glycol, Ethyhexylglycerin, Fragrance.

I ordered the Tonymoly Snail Gel first, because I'm trying to stay in budget and if it works, I'll just stick to it. High snail content, big amount, decent price. I hoped it would work for my picky skin.

Not so much. Or at least, it's not working as well as I thought.

This is my first day using it, and I'm a bit annoyed by how my skin reacted. At the same time, I'm not sure if the snail gel is completely to blame.

I've heard of sheet masks, and how it hydrate your skin as well as deliver nutrients, so I've bought a set from Tonymoly while waiting for my other variety sheetmasks from Innisfree website (which is also doing a buy 5 get 5 free promotion). I did just a little research on the sheetmask before I ordered them, though I wasn't doing enough research, as only after the Tonymoly sheetmasks arrived did I realized they contained dimethicone in them. I tried my best to find products without dimethicone, as it is bad for your skin, and my skin is already sensitive enough without the silicon polymer clogging it further. However, it had already arrived, and I'm too lazy to return it, so I thought maybe dimethicone now and then wouldn't be that bad.

I was wrong.

Ingredients listed for one of them: Water, Glycerin, Butylene Glycol, Mineral Oil, Allantoin, Polysorbate 80, Carbomer, Chlorphenesin, Sodium Hyaluronate, Sorbitan Sesquioleate, Xanthan Gum, Dimethicone, Phenoxyethanol, Tromethamine, 1,2-Hexanediol, Oryza Sativa (Rice) Extract, Illicium Verum (Anise) Fruit Extract, Snail Secretion Filerate, Propanediol, Caprylyl Glycol, Disodium EDTA, Fragrance.

Between the mask (I was using the Sea Weed Purifying one) and the snail gel, my face was bright red and itchy.

 My face is like an itchy tomato. I should have research on what was in those masks, as well as using one thing at a time (though I doubt that I really have learn this lesson, as I'm impatient to just smother my face with supposed goodness instead of trying to see what it does). I didn't actually know what was in those mask until I was looking up ingredients for this blog. Well, according to COSDNA, the Seaweed Purifying that I was using doesn't contain mineral oil nor dimethicone, so I guess I did picked the least problematic of them all; still didn't go well with my skin, and I'll have to return these masks now. Mineral oil and dimethicone DOES NOT belong on your face. I have heard good things about tonymoly, and I like their egg face products, but this doesn't impress me. On the contrary, I'ma be cautious about their products now.

Why Tonymoly, why?

No more sheetmasks from Tonymoly for me, though I'll give the snail gel another chance and see how my skin likes it tomorrow morning.

If it doesn't go well, I'll have to see how well the Mizon snail does.
 Of course, I'll have to wait for the product to arrive, meanwhile, I'll have to fall back onto the vitamin E cream and hope it won't break my out much.

Honeybunny Propolis Ampoule

Ingredients: Water, Propolis Extract (15%), Glycerin, Butylene Glycol, Sodium Hyaluronate, Alcohol, Honey, 1,2-Hexanediol, Centella Asiatica Extract, Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Glycyrrhiza Glabra (Licorice) Root Extract, Polygonum Cuspidatum Root Extract, Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Leaf Extract, Scutellaria Baicalensis Root Extract, Punica Granatum Fruit Extract, Ficus Carica (Fig) Fruit Extract, Codonopsis Lanceolata Root Extract, Polyquaternium-51, Sciadopitys Verticillata Root Extract, Ubiquinone, Althaea Rosea Flower Extract, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract, Allantoin, Acetyl Hexapeptide-8, PEG-60 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Carbomer, Triethanolamine, Fragrance, Human Oligopeptide-1, Dipotassium Glycyrrhizate, Tocopheryl Acetate, Adenosine, Hydrolyzed Collagen.

So my skin finally decided to say "Enough" with this product. I've been hearing great things about ampoule, most of which it is a "miracle product" for skin, doing everything from moisturizes, rebuild the skin inside out, antiaging, enhances the skin's appearance, etc., etc.

I've only used two ampoule, and so far my experience with them are...well, iffy. I also might have used more than I actually needed, but haha, I thought the more was better for my dry, itchy skin.

The first one was AIO Honey Ampoule, to which my skin was having none of it. Every time I uses it, my skin gets hot and my face would turned red, and it would get worse the more I uses it. The reaction is mild enough for me to uses the product for a couple of weeks, but no more. I'm not quite sure what ingredients my face doesn't like about it, and the reaction areas are confined to the area under my eyes down to my jawline, and the immediate area under my chin. The rest of my face was alright with it, and those area that doesn't react to the ampoule was very soft, plump, and feels so hydrated. And my hands, too, feel great after using it, so I was sad to have to return it. I wish I could continues to use the honey ampoule, but part of my face doesn't like it =/ I have a very weird face, it seems.

The second one is this, and my face (I think it's confused) doesn't have much reaction to it, except for a very mild redness and sensitivity on my cheekbones and the triangle area under my eyes. And the frigging itchy, dry, flaky spot under my chin that I've been having problem with since November last year.

I was ok with using this ampoule for almost a month before my skin did make up its mind and rejected it. Frigging sensitive skin, can't live without being so picky and high maintenance. And to make it worse, it's only those areas that doesn't like the things I put on it, the rest of me was fine; and I've seen improvements on the areas that doesn't react, and even my decollete seems to like the ampoule. Why does my face have to be so weird?

Any how, this is another great Korean skin care product. It did hydrate my skin, making it very soft to the touch. Though not as good as the AIO Ampoule, I give it credit for doing its job, and another star for holding out longer than the AIO Ampoule. The only thing I would say is that beware of the strong cough syrup smell, though after a while it's not really a bother. And weirdly, after a while of using this, it started to smell like alcohol. I don't know if it's just me, or it's how it is, but I'd recommend this ampoule to skin less sensitive than mine :)

Getting paid to live in paradise

Internet is an interesting resource. I have been talking with my friends over this article: Hawaii wants you, detailing that you can move to Hawaii and live and getting paid there as a teacher. I'm considering it myself, as it is tempting to live in a vacation spot. The beaches, the dancing, the water sport, the people, and the best of all, you don't need prior teaching experience, only a bachelor degree will do.

Unfortunately, I do not have one, and I'm on a plan to earn one in Interior Design, so it's not as practical for me. Though, my best friend does have a bachelor in Psychology, and she's between jobs; so as a beach-loving maniac that I am, living in the heartland, I naturally drop obvious hints and none-to-subtle hints that she should take the job XD We've been talking about it, and there are indeed many benefits in teaching in Hawaii, most of which is that you'll be taken care of while living the dream island life.

I'm still dropping hints to tempt my friend, and if/when she goes, I'll probably not far behind her.

Beaches, warm weather, sea food, and (almost) a life of leisure. Who wouldn't want to go there?

AIO Honey Ampoule

Scinic Honey AIO Ampoule ingredients: Honey Extract, Glycerin, Water, Niacinamide, Royal Jelly Extract, Propolis Extract, Centella Asiatica Extract, Polygonum Cuspidatum Root Extract, Scutellaria Biacalensis Root Extract, Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract, Glycyrrhiza Glabra (Licorice) Root Extract, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Leaf Extract, Hydrolyzed Silk, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract, Lactobacillus/Soybean Ferment Extract, Salix Alba (Willow) Bark Extract, Cinnamomum Cassia Bark Extract, Origanum Vulgare Leaf Extract, Chamaecyparis Obtusa Leaf Extract, Portulaca Oleracea Extract, Dipotassium Glycyrrhizate, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Carbomer, PEG-60 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Triethanolamine, Caramel, Adenosine, Xanthan Gum, Disodium EDTA, 1,2-Hexanediol, Caprylyl Glycol, Illicium Verum (Anise) Fruit Extract, Fragrance, Phenoxyethanol.

It has great ingredients, and it smelled like honey XD Plus, the texture is somewhat similar to honey, but less sticky:

Just like the previous Korean skin care product, I dig into this one with great enthusiasm, though I was more cautious after the whole skin reaction fiasco with the Benton products. This ampoule is supposedly used as essence/serum/thing that used under moisturizer or replacing moisturizer for some people, but it doesn't work well with me.

My skin reaction with this is much more mild compare to Benton Aloe products. My face gets a little hot and red, with slight rash on top of my cheeks after four days of used; and I did try using it alone as All in One like the product suggested, but found that it doesn't quite moisturized my skin as I'd hope, as I put a thick layer of it on after washing, only to wake up the next morning with tight skin and a few dry patches on my cheeks and under my jaw.

I've been combating the dry patches since the start of my move to Indiana, and it was solved temporarily with the Jason Vitamin E cream (but it also broke me out because of how rich that cream is), so I'm a little sad with this. It contained great ingredients, and I found that it does give me plumped and moisturized skin if I put a light moisturizer on top. Unfortunately, my skin decided to react to this as well, so I'm going to have to return this.

I'm not quite sure what my skin doesn't like from this product, as I am trying out another type of honey ampoule, but doesn't have the kind of reaction I get when I'm using this. Weird, my skin is soooo weird and sooo picky.

My skin is so sensitive it's so annoying @______@

WTB> Skin that doesn't react to skin care products. Or anything for that matter.

Good luck to normal/dry/combination skin that need moisture, as this product is great, because the patches of my face that doesn't react to this look so plump and feel so soft!

Jason Natural Face Cream

So it's been more than a week, and my skin finally returned to normal. No more painful red face >:D
All thanks to Jason Vitamin E cream:

Ingredients: Aqua (Water), Tocopheryl Acetate, Glycerin, Cetyl Alcohol, Stearic Acid, Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride, Dimethicone, Glyceryl Stearate SE, Helianthus Annuus (Sunflower) Seed Oil(¹), Persea Gratissima (Avocado) Oil, Citrus Grandis (Grapefruit) Fruit Extract, Ascorbic Acid, Carbomer, Potassium Cetyl Phosphate, Potassium Hydroxide, Sorbic Acid, Benzyl Alcohol, Phenoxyethanol, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoat.

It doesn't have much of a smell, though the slight scent it has kinda have a plastic edge to it, but it nourishes my skin so well. Too well, actually. The cream is definitely too thick for normal use. It has a normal cream texture, and a little pack a punch.

It's definitely so rich that you should only use it at night, though in my case, it help with the rashy, painful skin tremendously. One set back is that it gave my painful, solid lumps of acne, too. My Asian skin is sensitive, but not really acne prone except for the hormonal breakouts along my jawlines during my menstrual cycle time, but it was manageable with the hormone balancer I took (liver tone and chasteberry fruit), I never have painful lumps as I did when I was using this cream (my skin is dry and oily at the same time, making it harder for me to find a nourishing but light moisturizer that wouldn't make my skin react).

I shouldn't complain much, seeing as it help my reactive skin healed and returned to its original state after the bad reaction with the Benton Aloe products, though I'm not going to continue using it.

I originally bought it to help with my dried, peeling skin when I first came back to Indiana after a few years living in humid, calm San Diego weather. It did help, and it make my skin so soft, though it does leave my skin with an oily shin to it, to the point I was seeing my pillowcase saturated with my face oil. It wasn't fun, and the acne breakouts annoyed me. It's rich in good vitamin E, but in my case, this is too much. The organic ingredients helps a lot in calming my skin, though, and I'm happy with it. I'd recommend this to people with dry skin ~

Benton Aloe

The past week has been irritating, literally, on my face. In the search for my HG skincare products, I've tried Adlay face wash, wasn't impressed, so I'll continue to find something else. But what also got me worrying about this Korean skincare thing is that my face is even more sensitive to it than the American products I've been using. There are so much more beneficial ingredients in Korean skincare than American, and I thought that since I'm Asian, my skin would love the oriental products more. Unfortunately, it seems that even my skin had been Americanized, haha, as the first time trying out the moisturizer and toner, my skin reacted in a really, really bad way. Perhaps this is just a beginner's unfortunate moment, but my skin immediately HATED the products I put on it.

I did used it for a few days, and wasn't sure what was going on - should have been paying more attention to how my skin was reacted. The first day, my skin was so dried and tight, I had to use the Aloe gel a few more times. I didn't paid it much mind, since I figured the great ingredients will kick in soon enough. The next two days, I was still negligence on listening to my skin, and continue to use the toner and gel. Every time I put them on, my skin would turned hot, but I thought it was because the heater was on in my house and leave it at that. The fourth day, my skin had enough and turned so red and irritated, and it lasted about four/five days. I had to stop using both the toner and the aloe gel right away, but even so, the damage has already been done. My skin was red and broke out in hives, and the past few days had been painful to the touch. I had to returned to my Jason Natural vitamin e cream, then putting a thick layer of Un-Petroleum Jelly on top of it so that it can heal faster. It took more than three days of putting up with painful and sticky skin for my face to starting to return to normal. This does not put me off Korean products entirely, but I think I'd be more cautious in the future and pay more attention to what my skin tell me in the future. Giving my skin's finicky nature, I'm not surprised, but I never have such a bad experience with anything that was quite this bad before.

The toner's ingredients: Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Water (58%), Glycerin, Sodium Hyaluronate, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract, Snail Secretion Filtrate, Salicylic Acid (0.5%), Beta-Glucan, Althaea Rosea Flower Extract, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract, Polyglutamic Acid, Portulaca Oleracea Extract, Psidium Guajava Fruit Extract, Aspalathus Linearis Extract, Zanthoxylum Piperitum Fruit Extract, Pulsatilla Koreana Extract, Usnea Barbata (Lichen) Extract, Acrylates/C10-30 Alkyl Acrylate Cross Polymer.

The "soothing" gel's ingredients: Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice (80%), Propolis Extract (10%), Glycerin, Arginine, Allantoin, Betaine, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Portulaca Oleracea Extract, Acrylates/C10-30 Alkyl Acrylate Cross Polymer, Zanthoxylum Piperitum Fruit Extract, Pulsatilla Koreana Extract, Usnea Barbata (Lichen) Extract.

Given that my skin reacted to both of these, and that they have a few similar ingredients, I'm guessing those are the things my skin didn't like, so there's no use in keeping them. But that's my skin, because the other reviews on these things are quite good. They're not for me, but maybe it'll work better for you.